You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
third nipple confirmed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
