she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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