Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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