there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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