He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
