Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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