Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
