I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
