I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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