i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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