Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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