Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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