Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize