Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
