she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
