I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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