I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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