i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
