I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
