So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
