Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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