Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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