I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
