So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
