I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
