if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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