i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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