rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
