I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize