trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
