That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
