Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
