They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
