Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
