Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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