Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
