Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
