god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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