i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
