By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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