ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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