I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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