did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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