just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
