garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
