A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
