he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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