We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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