apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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