I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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