i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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