Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
