I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
