On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
