It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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