Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
try to milk me bitch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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