i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
