ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
