We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
