i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
