it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize