If that was your dad, he is hot
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
