My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
