he thought i was a dude.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
