I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
