Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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