He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
