Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
