i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
