I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
