i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
