only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
