worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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