good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
