My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
