you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize