The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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